Aging Gracefully

Here’s what I’ve learned about aging gracefully:


  • It’s no big deal that you don’t even recognize the featured guest on a talk show or presenters at award ceremonies. They’ll be gone and replaced in a few months.
  • You’re not losing your sense of humor or relevancy because you don’t think late night talk show monologues are funny. They’re not, and this is the worst bunch in memory.
  • Not being able to recognize or name half of the cars you see on the road doesn’t endanger your safety.
  • Wearing “extra fit” jeans is not like wearing adult diapers, you don’t have to disguise yourself to buy them.
  • Falling asleep during a movie is not a sign of extreme fatigue but rather of extreme lack of good writing and acting.
  • Hip-hop and rap music is simply retribution for doo-wop and heavy metal, what’s fair is fair.
  • The world is not going to hell, there are fewer airline crashes, fewer auto deaths, and fewer cancer deaths than ever before.
  • We are, however, partway to hell because our kids’ education is largely controlled by self-absorbed unions insensitive to learning and school boards politicized and ego-driven.
  • There’s no need to despair about politicians from one party ruining the country. Each party periodically gets the chance to ruin things and, despite their best efforts, the country is doing better than ever.
  • You can ease off on some of the cynicism because, contrary to what many believed, social security is still with us and paying claims, not defunct and not bankrupt.
  • You tend to win more often because so many people underestimate your abilities.
  • You can tell foreign immigration bureaucrats when you’re visiting that your profession is “retired” even if it isn’t.
  • Your personal trainer tends to go easy on you if you artificially start to breathe heavier.
  • People buy you drinks.

© Alan Weiss 2015

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