Alan Weiss’s Monday Morning Memo® – 2/10/14
February 10, 2014—Issue #229
This week’s focus point: When I first flew on airplanes, men wore suits and women wore dresses. Pan Am flight attendants (stewardesses) could have stepped out of a high-fashion magazine. Today, I see people in high end restaurants in tee-shirts, jeans, and flip-flops–men and women. People who call me on the phone for the first time almost always address me as “Alan,” as if we’re long-time chums. Those on Facebook, in particular, create an informality that includes obscenity, suggestive photos, and far more information than I care to know about them. This age of crazed egalitarianism, of a default first-name familiarity, of resorting to behaviors more common to pajamas over breakfast than dinner in public, will eventually end. The social media sites are losing members, some institutions are restoring dress codes, and civility will be what gains influence and attention. A lack of manners doesn’t create familiarity, it creates contempt.
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alan weiss
Thanks for writing, but a bellman, convenience store clerk, or flight attendant addressing me as “Alan” is simply inappropriate and unprofessional. We are living in an aged of crazed egalitarianism, where we think everyone’s opinions are equal. Hence, Facebook!
Jerry Norman
While, Mr. Levy’s response is quite true, there is another element of the “falling standards” piece that is lurking under the surface: the goal of the person’s communication. An amazing number of people fail to think about 2 things before starting a business call:
1. What do I want this to accomplish?
2. How do I structure this to put the call’s recipient in the most cooperative frame of mind?
The second point includes “how to make a good first impression.” Dale Carnegie’s “How to Make Friends and Influence People” can still be powerful (my son read it a few years ago when he was 23, and changed his approach and self confidence), but is still unread by far too many people who want to influence people.
I don’t know if “falling standards” is the problem as much as technology now lets us see the “standards” of more people than we once could. Either way, people who wish to influence people with money need to be more aware of how to get off to a good impression. Basic salesmanship here.
Steven B. Levy
“Alan” (or “Steve”) is not a sign of falling standards, but rather a democratic leveler. Consider London, where for a century people were instantly judged by their accent in the mistaken assumption that place-of-birth = class (stratum of society) = class (whether you had some or not) – cf. Shaw, whether you prefer Pygmalion or My Fair Lady. It is a recognition that what we share, our humanity, is a more important connector than what we don’t – e.g., education level.
Calling you Mr. Weiss (or Dr., for those who’ve done a bit of research) is costumery. respect. The formal dress of true respect is earned – and indeed you have earned it – because of what you’ve done and what you can continue to contribute. True respect is someone listening to your ideas, learning from you, engaging with you about subjects that matter, subjects where your expertise and experience reflect value.
A convenience store clerk reading your name off your credit card or a cabin attendant checking the flight roster and calling you Alan is superficial and is actually a sign of progress, wherein we no longer judge people by easily faked outward trappings. The respect that matters is a student or peer or potential client asking, “Is there an opportunity to learn from you?”
Alan
If you want to persuade or influence, appeal to the OTHER PERSON’s self-interest.