Dear Friend, Send Money

I just read a Facebook post by a guy who said his new book is coming out in a few months, but if you send him $20 now he’ll send a digital copy, an autographed copy, and will include the purchaser’s name in the “acknowledgements” as a “friend and patron”! In other words, any stranger with $20 is acknowledged in the book. I wonder how much would buy co-authorship?


A Case for A SWAT Team?

On the outskirts of Providence, right next to Interstate 95, is a giant blue bug on the roof of an exterminating company. It’s a termite, 427,000 times larger than life. (I am not making this up.) The company which was once called something like “New England Exterminating”  officially changed its name to Big Blue Bug Exterminating. Traffic reporters use it as a landmark (congestion around the Big Blue Bug) and when Interstate 195 was rerouted at a cost of tens …


The Pain of the Dentist

I visit every four months. I haven’t had a cavity in ten years, my gums are in good shape, and thanks to the wonders of cosmetic dentistry, I have very straight, white teeth, which my parents couldn’t afford to provide way back when. Yet, there apparently is no business input into dental office management or experiences.   The receptionist doesn’t greet you kindly, simply says, “Okay, take a seat.” The appointment starts slightly late, no one apologizes or acknowledges it. …


If You’re Proclaiming Good Health, Why Are You Driving Like A Moron?

I don’t know why, but I’ve started thinking about bumper stickers. It’s rare to find a car with just one. They usually come in multiple postings, ranging from politics to health food, from sports teams to mystical affirmations. It seems to me that the drivers feel obligated to inform the rest of the world of their positions. I think they do so because they feel otherwise powerless. So this is the way they impress themselves on the world. Their only …



You Can’t Fix Stupid

A woman writes to tell me she loves my free weekly and monthly newsletters, but she doesn’t like my occasional promotional mailings, so she has to unsubscribe. In other words, she feels it’s appropriate for me to provide free, high value help to others, but it’s not appropriate that I inform them of further help available for a price if they so choose. I’m surprised she knew how to unsubscribe.


Ouch!

Kim Wilkerson brings to my attention some guy in South Africa who is sponsoring an evening of fire walking and cocktails! I can’t imagine any potential problems there, can you? I recall not long ago so many injuries at a fire walking event that the onsite team couldn’t handle them all and the EMTs had to be called. I guess that particular group just wasn’t sufficiently motivated. Maybe they should practice the equally effective techniques of self-levitation.


Oversold

Talking to the Priest before the procession last night when I was the reader for Holy Thursday services, he told me that, on Easter, he would announce: “We’re unexpectedly having some more clergy join us, and we’re oversold, so the ushers will be dragging random people up the aisles and out the doors. It will depend on your annual contributions….”  


On the Road Again

In Italy, almost every main road is only two lanes in each direction. And drivers stay right, except to pass. Rarely do you have to use your high beams. Everyone realizes that unless you get out of the way of higher speed traffic, the entire highway clogs and it’s dangerous. The system works beautifully. In the US, where many highways are three to six lanes, people clog up the left-hand (high speed) lane. Some are ignorant of the law, some …


Plain Dumb Ass Stupid

A guy named Littlejohn asks to connect on Linkedin and immediately sends me this pathetic, mass, stupid marketing email:   Thanks for being connected! I’ve had many consultants reaching out to see how we generate so many high-end leads for ourselves and our clients on LinkedIn. So we put together this brand new 72-minute (content only) training for you! (LINK REMOVED) Talk soon, P.S. Our online system can only handle 100 live viewers at one time…and this email went out …