Tail, Meet Dog

Have you noticed the number of hotels and auto dealers who are sending notes after customers’ recent visits advising them they will be receiving a survey in the mail soon. If the customer has been unhappy with anything, please call to have it addressed prior to taking the survey. In other words, we’re not really interested in your feedback, we’re interested in perfect survey results because that’s how we’re measured and rewarded. Dumb-ass, stupid management.


DASM: Why Not Just Burn Your Money?

A sandwich shop franchise is usually between $200,000 and $400,000. The sandwiches are probably about $7 on average, and with drinks and chips figure about $10. If salaries, taxes, benefits, rents, utilities, insurance, supplies and so forth cost another $300,000, let’s say that’s a $600,000 total investment the first year (the franchise fee has to be funded somehow, even if by loan). That means you’d have to sell 60,000 sandwiches to pay that bill, or at least 30,000 to pay the …


Take It Or Leave It

I’m told that Cisco takes 120 days—four months—to pay its venders and suppliers. Of course, there’s no sound reason for that except to maximize their cash flow by taking advantage of small businesses for whom cash flow is even more critical. But Cisco apparently isn’t interested in partnerships, just in being the 2,000-pound gorilla. There’s a word for that: bullying.


Plain Dumb Ass Stupid

A guy named Littlejohn asks to connect on Linkedin and immediately sends me this pathetic, mass, stupid marketing email:   Thanks for being connected! I’ve had many consultants reaching out to see how we generate so many high-end leads for ourselves and our clients on LinkedIn. So we put together this brand new 72-minute (content only) training for you! (LINK REMOVED) Talk soon, P.S. Our online system can only handle 100 live viewers at one time…and this email went out …


Jersey Mike’s: Dumb Ass Stupid Management

A Jersey Mike’s sandwich franchise costs from $200,00 to $600,000 according to their web site. Which means the guy who opened one in East Greenwich here is going to lose a pile of dough. I’d think a sandwich franchisee would assume somehow that business is pretty heavy from 11:30 to 1:30. We call it “lunch time.” The new store here was featured in the press, is located in a very popular shopping center with plenty of parking, and has an …


Do Me A Favor, Get A Life

Here’s what I received today from someone I don’t know: “I have a favor to ask. I (sic) trying to get my book on the Amazon bestseller list. Today only, I am selling a digital Kindle copy of my book XXXXXXXXX  for only 99¢. I am very proud of my book, I hope you can help me. Also, if you know others who would like a great business book, please forward this to them.” This is what it’s come to: gaming …


Enterprise: Dumb Ass Stupid Management

DO NOT RENT FROM ENTERPRISE. After their horrible service, and less than half-filled tank without notice, they’ve lost the car! They were told (there’s an email record) to pick the car up at the La Playa resort, have failed to do so for two weeks, and left a message last night that they need their car back! Of course, you can’t return the call because they have limited hours, and the resort informed me that Enterprise was aware but simply …


Sticks and Stones

I’m sitting in my hotel in San Francisco listening to the ubiquitous happy talk early morning news, today on NBC. The “anchors” report stories about Trump, his advisors, and his wife with a deliberate and unmistakeable contempt, complete with snide intonation and skeptical body language. It’s as if someone were to say that the city will defy federal law and give sanctuary to illegal immigrants. Oh, wait, that’s what they are doing. Irrespective of one’s politics, this was and is …


Dumb Ass Stupid Management with Honors: Enterprise Rental Cars

Enterprise delivered a Jaguar to me last Friday at the Delano Hotel in Miami to drive through Alligator Alley to Naples, about a 2.5-hour trip. That road has some serious crime statistics in terms of motorists who are stranded, especially at night. So I was shocked when the dashboard informed me I had 24 miles left in the tank with 50 miles to my destination. I found two state troopers with 15 miles left and they told me in 10 …


“We expected better results” Dumb Ass Stupid Management

This morning’s papers reveal that Macy’s, Sears, and Barnes & Noble are all experiencing slowdowns, with extreme measures being taken by the first two (closings, layoffs, divestitures). One Macy’s executive commented, “We had expected better results.” In what world would you expect better results from old-time, brick and mortar operations with no zest and no appeal? On those occasions when I’ve been in a mall with a Macy’s,  it is always the dullest, most depressing of all the large stores. …