Dumb Ass Stupid Management Hall of Fame

I’m proud to announce the first entrant into the DASM Hall of Fame, and recipient of the concurrent I Didn’t Come In Here And I’m Not Leaving Award: Verizon!!!

We returned from Puerto Rico to find a threatening note on our door—”second notice, service may be discontinued,” written by hand—indicating that Verizon was changing to fiber optics, no charge, but we must make an appointment for the work to be done. The number provided was available until 9 pm.

I made four calls. One informed me that the office wasn’t open. The next two said they couldn’t identify my phone number (automated response). The third did recognize me, and asked that I wait for an agent for the “one minute wait time.” Seven minutes later, I hung up.

Today, my wife called and left them on speaker phone. She finally got through, after ten minutes, to a human being employed by Verizon, perhaps the last of her species. She couldn’t use the phone number, and demanded an account number. My wife came racing up to my den to retrieve a current bill.

She successfully provided the number, the agent recognized the account and told us, no problem: We had already been switched over months ago!

Congratulations Verizon, no one does it better!

(The audience cheers and the award is accepted to the orchestra’s version of “If I Only Had A Brain,” from the Wizard of Oz.)

© Alan Weiss 2016


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