Hollywood Implosion

Is there any life form more self-absorbed than the Hollywood crowd? The recent Golden Globe Awards were hysterically funny, but not deliberately.

There’s a huge amount of noise in the room even when nominations are being read. That’s because no one is interested in what’s going on if they are not personally involved, and everyone appears to be drinking pretty heavily. Both Woody Allen and James Spader had the good sense not to show up, even though the former was given a lifetime achievement award (accepted by Diane Keaton).

I thought it was fabulous the Amy Poehler (co-host with Tina Fey) relished the opportunity to lampoon the nominees and winners, but when she won in her category she quickly became the object of her own satire—virtually inarticulate in her acceptance, and straining to thank everyone she’s ever met.

Doesn’t anybody have the good grace to say, “It’s a profound honor, thank you, good night”?

These are some of the most insecure people imaginable as well, often wondering if they’ll ever work again even after receiving an award, because the recognition is for being someone else—playing a part which is not them.

Finally, the inability to speak extemporaneously, poor grasp of English, de rigeuer spraying of obscenities to be bleeped (the show, of course, has to be on a 7-second delay), and the assumption that this work is based solely on talent is laughable. Far worse than consulting, the majority of these people simply got lucky in having the right friends, the right place, the right look, the right time. Any number of people could play most of these roles. How else do you explain Tobey Maguire being a star?? Or the implausible, barely-acted movie Gravity being considered one of the year’s best?

Ah well, I remember when many of them wanted to cancel an awards show in the aftermath of 9/11, not out of respect, but because they assumed they were a logical terrorist target.

Only if the terrorists were opposed to self-indulgence. Now THAT’S hubris!

© Alan Weiss 2014

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4 Responses to Hollywood Implosion

  1. Craig Martin says:

    ‘Doesn’t anybody have the good grace to say, “It’s a profound honor, thank you, good night”?’

    If only, but like you said, it’s not about the award, it’s about them.

    A legal clause forcing the awarded nominee to split the fee received for the movie with everyone they thank would be funny.

    That might get rid of the nonsense.

  2. Alan Weiss says:

    Occasionally, someone is funny, but the night is dreary and uninteresting and, sorry for my political incorrectness, but at the Oscars listening to two people from Lower Elbonia describe how they put together their award-winning, animated documentary on digestive juices in groundhogs makes me reach for the controlled substances.

  3. Sarah says:

    James Spader was at the Globes, but he had the excellent timing not to be at his table when his name was announced. He absolutely hates these affairs, so my guess is he was either at the bar or at the men’s room.

  4. Alan Weiss says:

    If that’s the case, why does he go?

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