In Case You Were Wondering What I Was Thinking

• If Global Entry can whisk people through immigration in 60 seconds, why is it that TSA pre-check can’t simply process people without searching them at all?

• Not everything was better in the “old days” (medical care, highway safety, pollution) but some things were, and not simply because it was the “old days” (civility, appropriate dress, a family dinner table).

• I realize we have “revolutions” in music, but the Beatles frightened people because of their long hair and Elvis because of his gyrations—none of them created lyrics advocating violence and abuse of women.

• If a German Shepherd can learn to catch a Frisbee in mid-air and return it, why can’t people learn to flush in public restrooms?

• On the Internet this morning I found my gate, history of the flight’s on time record, actual TSA wait times, and my boarding passes with Pre-Check all the way to Sydney. That ain’t bad.

• The number of people who don’t bother to follow simple instructions is appalling. Among the worst, those who ignore your phone voice mail because they simply see your number and call it without bothering about why you were calling.

• My favorite book title, ever: Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth, I’m Kissing You Good-Bye! by Cynthia Heimel.

• My favorite Country song title, ever: “If I Had Shot Her When I Wanted To I Would Have Been Out of Jail By Now,” by Boa and the Constrictors.

• When did restaurant specials enter the future perfect tense? (“Chef will have created a venison reduction for our gnocchi.”) By the way, that’s “nyokey,” not “nokey.”

• Will someone tell the flight attendants’ union that there “final destination” is redundant redundant?

© Alan Weiss 2016


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