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Looking and Acting Like A Success

I met a woman at a fund raiser the other day, and she seemed quite impressive. She was well dressed, well spoken, had written a book, and knew some heavy hitters.

Then, when she explained why she was setting up a small office in another state where she spends some time, she said, “You know how expensive gas is to make that drive frequently.”

Whoops.

I still think she’s a very impressive woman, and I’d probably want to get to know her better. But that kind of statement tends to relegate you to second-class status. Successful people I know don’t bemoan gas prices, or complain about dining out, or express concern about taxes.

Someone mentioned to me during a recent practicum I conducted using a major business as our “laboratory”: “It was amazing. You introduced us as world class consultants and that’s how we were treated and heeded.”

Nothing amazing about it. It’s not just “dress for success,” it’s about behaving as though you ARE a success. Many people never give themselves that permission. When someone complains to me about Southwest Air and asks my opinion, I simply tell them that I wouldn’t know, since I don’t fly airlines without a first class cabin. If I’m asked about the price of gas, I remind people that the Europeans have been paying far higher prices for as long as I’ve been alive.

Successful people like to be around successful people, and your actions actually speak louder than your clothing and accessories. It costs virtually nothing to act successful. But you have to give yourself permission.

You may not have flown first class, and that’s fine. But when you start to brag that you saved $200 by checking fares at midnight, that’s not. You may prefer to travel in coach, and I can live with that. But if you tell someone else that they are foolish for traveling in first class, they’ll likely just think you’re a fool.

An old Roman phrase goes: De minimis non curat praetor. (The magistrate does not consider trifles.) Stop focusing on the life you think you’d have to lead, and start focusing on the one you should be leading.

People will regard you, first and foremost, by the way you regard yourself.

© Alan Weiss 2008. All rights reserved.

Posted by Alan Weiss on April 28th, 2008 filed in Business of Consulting, Consulting Philosophy |

3 Responses to “Looking and Acting Like A Success”

  1. Justin Beller Says:

    While I agree that a person’s words and actions proceeds them, I wouldn’t be so quick to pass judgement on people for making what seem to me as innocent comments or observations.

    Yes, gas prices are high - higher than what we were used to paying a year ago. I don’t know what this woman does for a living. Perhaps her business involves transportation of goods or is a service business where she has to travel to the client. If that’s true, higher gas prices cut in to her profit margin.

    Anybody with a business that is watching their overhead increase will discuss their frustrations. It’s human nature and all part of operating a business.

    I understand your logic - act successful, feel successful and you will be successful. I subscribe to that too, but I’m not going to go broke just to impress a select group of people.

  2. Kevin Berchelmann Says:

    I never quite “get” the furor surrounding the costs of “comfort” versus “economy.” It’s not simply an image, in my mind, though that does play a part.

    It’s about enjoying comfort as a reward for some pretty damned hard work I do. I earned it, I’ll take it. And the part I don’t “get,” is it isn’t the “cost” that scares people… not if they are logical in their reasoning.

    I was sitting on the patio, smoking a cigar and having a glass of Kelt with a good friend of mine, Andrew — an anesthesiologist at Duke University — and this very topic came up.

    Andrew went inside and brought out pen and paper. We began with assumptions: 2 flights per month, 2 family vacations per year totaling 2 weeks (yes, we take more, but it’s a simple equation). We discovered, in our mathematical genius spurred by the intellect one can only get from Kelt Petra, that our desire to enjoy “comfort” versus “economy” was costing a whopping $7,800 annually.

    Eight grand. That’s it. If someone asked you to pay $7,800 for “Year-long first-class accommodations,” would you take it? Most of us would readily write that insignificant check. Too often we look at totals, not deltas.

    Sure, my airport town car costs about $100. A cab, however, costs $60. The delta — the difference — is but $40. A full-service Marriott at BWI costs $245/night. The Springfield Suites across the street, with zero amenities or comforts, costs $170. Again, the delta is insignificant, when added together annually. A mediocre meal costs $40. A great one $120 (excluding extravagant wine).

    Are we really making personal comfort and enjoyment decisions based on the ridiculous belief that $40 here and $80 there will somehow turn a poor financial year into a great one?

    Your comments, Alan, were spot on: “It costs virtually nothing to act successful. But you have to give yourself permission.”

    It’s not about the costs at all, since frankly, they are insignificant. It’s about permission.

    Cheers,

    KB

  3. Michael Temple Says:

    I have to respectfully disagree with your outlook on this. I don’t think the definition of success should be your ability to spend money without some common sense or thoughts of how to reduce that expense. Most business leaders will say that a good trait in business is to reduce expenses and overhead in any business so you have more profit, which many would consider true success.

    Ben Franklin said the two traits of success for both business and individuals was industry and frugality. I doubt anyone can argue Dr. Franklin is one of the most famous Americans to have ever lived and defines true success. Clearly frugal habits helped him achieve this by his own admission.

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