The Dog Star: Beagles and BMWs

Beagles are miracles of engineering. Bentley, my German Shepherd, can smell about six million times better than a human I’d guess, but Buddy Beagle can smell six millions times better than Bentley. Beagles are built to hunt vermin, so they are low to the ground, from whence they can easily pick up scents (Bentley’s legs are long for running and sight). Beagles have some horrific teeth for their size and can easily dispatch vermin. Of course, if Buddy successfully tracked a mouse, he’d call the exterminator before he touched it.

BMW makes cars, and obviously without the intelligence that designed dogs. My 2013 X5 truck has the most confusing computer/electronic controls I’ve ever seen, nothing at all intuitive, far inferior to my Bentleys and Corvette. Yet this is supposed to be a daily vehicle, easy to use, not an exotic car.

I’ve mastered what I need to drive it, but Buddy has mastered much more than that. It seems that BMW’s controls on the console and doors are easily accessible to small paws. Bentley can’t affect them, but Buddy regularly does. He has his own playlist on the radio. I went in for coffee this  morning playing Sinatra, and I came out to the Nylons. I let the tracks keep playing, and Buddy had an outstanding list going.

From the coffee shop, I have to make sure Buddy doesn’t open the passenger front window, which can’t be locked out, due to BMW’s poor engineering. When he opens it, Bentley leans out and if he sees another dog, he’s going to rocket after it. I can’t take the dogs all over like a once did in the Mercedes and simply lock the truck, because BMW doesn’t allow you to disable the alarm’s motion sensor. So once I lock the doors, the dogs trigger the alarm in about 30 seconds.

I recently had the BMW in for service. I asked them for the second time to ensure that ALL doors unlock when the driver’s door is unlocked. They assured me they would. That still doesn’t work. I’m now going to persuade Buddy to show me how with some choice bacon strips.

Whether you believe in evolution or intelligent design or a combination thereof, we can agree that it has worked well with Beagles but not BMW.



© Alan Weiss 2015

2 thoughts on “The Dog Star: Beagles and BMWs

  1. Wow! I honestly thought BMW built cars for humans, but my mistake. They really should of taken into consideration that dogs are not as intelligent as SOME humans and may press on the wrong buttons on the console. :-D:-D:-D

  2. Have you driven a new BMW? The computer system is ridiculously complex and non-intutive. And an alarm with a motion sensor that can’t be disabled? The problem is that BMW has not build a car for humans, but for their engineers. I can buy any car produced in the world, but I’m getting rid of the BMW truck.

    Maybe it’s a conceptual breakthrough that most people with SUVs drive with dogs in the vehicle at times. 60% of American households contain dogs.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *