Things I Hate (All Right, Really Dislike)

  • “Not a problem.”
  • Phone calls in public restrooms.
  • Megyn Kelly. (Much ado about nothing.)
  • The smugness of the comics (Jon Stuart, Bill Maher) who attack people who are not present to defend themselves.
  • The fiction that Hillary Clinton lost the election because she’s a woman. (The Democrats were arrogant and she’s highly unlikeable.)
  • The fiction that Elon Musk is a genius when Tesla is hemorrhaging money. (It will be purchased, which I suspect was always his Plan B.)
  • Servers who want to take a dish away and ask, “Are we still enjoying this?” Can we possibly become more pompous?
  • The affectation of soy, cinnamon, skim, and all the other pretension of Starbuck’s coffee drinkers. Please.
  • Lincoln commercials with Matthew McConaughey.
  • Announcements that are supposed to be humorous because they tell you to unwrap your candy before the show begins. Never heard that one before.
  • Incessant complaints about airlines as if they’re a public service not meant to make a profit, and paying $400 to fly round trip from the US to Europe is somehow a bad deal unless you also have enough room to play basketball.
  • Hospital employees smoking directly alongside the entrance.
  • People who chat with bank tellers aimlessly while the line behind them extends out into the interstate.
  • Professional fund raisers who call and ask for someone by their first name as if they’re old friends.
  • Conspiracy nuts. This is the profound form of modern paranoia.
  • Over-hyped, mediocre movies (e.g., La La Land).
  • Cashiers who hand me the receipt, bills, coins, and anything else all together, as if I’m an octopus.
  • Any martini that doesn’t have the required rime of ice on top when it’s served.

© Alan Weiss 2017


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