Comments on: Why You Don’t Want to Trod Them Hot Coals http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/ Architect of Professional Communities® | Alan's Blog Mon, 06 Feb 2012 22:34:45 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Alan Weiss http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2684 Alan Weiss Mon, 13 Jul 2009 23:26:50 +0000 http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2684 If you get a chance, check out Gilbert's work on synthetic happiness. You can find it on TED. If you get a chance, check out Gilbert’s work on synthetic happiness. You can find it on TED.

]]> By: Trina Hess http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2682 Trina Hess Mon, 13 Jul 2009 22:41:33 +0000 http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2682 Trying to fit ANY one-size-fits-all solution isn't good for anyone: Atkins isn't the best diet for everyone. Running isn't the perfect exercise for every person. Likewise, telling everyone that it's the best (or worst) thing to "Look on the bright side". It's more important to tell people how to find out WHAT will work for them, individually. But that stance doesn't sell as many books. Trying to fit ANY one-size-fits-all solution isn’t good for anyone: Atkins isn’t the best diet for everyone. Running isn’t the perfect exercise for every person. Likewise, telling everyone that it’s the best (or worst) thing to “Look on the bright side”. It’s more important to tell people how to find out WHAT will work for them, individually. But that stance doesn’t sell as many books.

]]> By: Alan Weiss http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2674 Alan Weiss Mon, 13 Jul 2009 10:45:16 +0000 http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2674 Wayne, all due respect, I don't believe any self-respecting, professional coach should be teaching others "affirmations" to effect change. Perhaps you automatically create pragmatics for implementation, or affirmations keep your eyes on the goal, but of themselves, they're not very useful. In fact, they fool people that they're taking action without doing any hard work, like changing behavior. Trina and Skannie: I was fired by W. Clement Stone who was engrossed in PMA--Positive Mental Attitude--which he tried to sell, market, and inculcate. ("This is a great morning!!") I told him that HE had a positive mental attitude because he had $450 million from his insurance business, and that if he gave everyone $450 million, they'd ALL have positive mental attitudes. That's when he fired me. Wayne, all due respect, I don’t believe any self-respecting, professional coach should be teaching others “affirmations” to effect change. Perhaps you automatically create pragmatics for implementation, or affirmations keep your eyes on the goal, but of themselves, they’re not very useful. In fact, they fool people that they’re taking action without doing any hard work, like changing behavior.

Trina and Skannie: I was fired by W. Clement Stone who was engrossed in PMA–Positive Mental Attitude–which he tried to sell, market, and inculcate. (“This is a great morning!!”) I told him that HE had a positive mental attitude because he had $450 million from his insurance business, and that if he gave everyone $450 million, they’d ALL have positive mental attitudes. That’s when he fired me.

]]> By: Skannie http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2671 Skannie Mon, 13 Jul 2009 00:07:22 +0000 http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2671 Barbara Sher has been saying the same thing for decades. Positive thinking doesn't usually work. She actually wrote a chapter about the Power of Negative Thinking in her first book Wishcraft, which had it's 30th anniversary in March this year. Barbara Sher has been saying the same thing for decades. Positive thinking doesn’t usually work. She actually wrote a chapter about the Power of Negative Thinking in her first book Wishcraft, which had it’s 30th anniversary in March this year.

]]> By: Trina Hess http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2616 Trina Hess Sat, 04 Jul 2009 21:44:09 +0000 http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2616 Yes!! Just like the book by Julie K. Norem "The Positive Power of Negative Thinking." this positive self-talk can affect half the people all the time, but the other half NEED to see the worst case scenario to work through the anxiety. The enemy here isn't negativity--the enemy is anxiety, and people either use positivity or negativity to rid themselves of this anxiety. Great article thanks!! Yes!! Just like the book by Julie K. Norem “The Positive Power of Negative Thinking.” this positive self-talk can affect half the people all the time, but the other half NEED to see the worst case scenario to work through the anxiety. The enemy here isn’t negativity–the enemy is anxiety, and people either use positivity or negativity to rid themselves of this anxiety. Great article thanks!!

]]> By: Wayne Botha http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2615 Wayne Botha Sat, 04 Jul 2009 14:07:33 +0000 http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2615 Affirmations are a good starting point and a useful guide along the path to a goal. You also need to take action and live in the real world to achieve your goal. Affirmations without actions are pointless. Respecting this blog, I will keep my examples brief. I have used affirmations with some success over the past 20 years. Affirmations got me through University Accounting courses, although "I love accounting" has lasted :) Success story: When I decided to relocate to the USA in mid-1990's, I used affirmations with intense emotions. I saw myself driving over the Verrazano Narrows bridge. I wanted it so badly that I could taste it. Then I spoke with people who had relocated to the USA, searched the Internet for skills that were in demand, acquired the skills, contacted companies who could sponsor my work visa, interviewed, followed up, got rejected, researched our new country and just kept at it until we landed at JFK in January 2001. Use affirmations to solidify your desired outcomes in your mind. Then get to work and put in the other 99% of effort required to reach your goal. Affirmations are a good starting point and a useful guide along the path to a goal. You also need to take action and live in the real world to achieve your goal. Affirmations without actions are pointless.

Respecting this blog, I will keep my examples brief. I have used affirmations with some success over the past 20 years. Affirmations got me through University Accounting courses, although “I love accounting” has lasted :)

Success story: When I decided to relocate to the USA in mid-1990′s, I used affirmations with intense emotions. I saw myself driving over the Verrazano Narrows bridge. I wanted it so badly that I could taste it. Then I spoke with people who had relocated to the USA, searched the Internet for skills that were in demand, acquired the skills, contacted companies who could sponsor my work visa, interviewed, followed up, got rejected, researched our new country and just kept at it until we landed at JFK in January 2001.

Use affirmations to solidify your desired outcomes in your mind. Then get to work and put in the other 99% of effort required to reach your goal.

]]> By: Alan Weiss http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2614 Alan Weiss Sat, 04 Jul 2009 12:25:35 +0000 http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2614 Clever line. But no matter what you tell yourself, if you lack the skills, behaviors, and/or self-esteem, you're not going to be successful at it. Telling me you're a great speaker means nothing if you don't have a good topic, can't use notes, and have a dry mouth. Affirmations are simply dumb, used by the motivational society in lieu of actual methodology and pragmatic help. "They can knock you down but they can't knock you out!" Yes they can, they can kill you. The idea is not to get hit! Clever line. But no matter what you tell yourself, if you lack the skills, behaviors, and/or self-esteem, you’re not going to be successful at it. Telling me you’re a great speaker means nothing if you don’t have a good topic, can’t use notes, and have a dry mouth. Affirmations are simply dumb, used by the motivational society in lieu of actual methodology and pragmatic help. “They can knock you down but they can’t knock you out!”

Yes they can, they can kill you. The idea is not to get hit!

]]> By: Rich Hopkins http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2613 Rich Hopkins Sat, 04 Jul 2009 04:26:55 +0000 http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2613 I've always said "I know that self-talk works because I tell myself it doesn't - and it never has". Repeating positive affirmations is fine if you don't have competing critics in your head. If you don't choose to listen to yourself, it won't matter what you say. I’ve always said “I know that self-talk works because I tell myself it doesn’t – and it never has”.

Repeating positive affirmations is fine if you don’t have competing critics in your head. If you don’t choose to listen to yourself, it won’t matter what you say.

]]> By: Alan Weiss http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2612 Alan Weiss Fri, 03 Jul 2009 16:38:11 +0000 http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2612 I agree. I find the most successful sales people and consultants, for example, are concerned about improving the client's condition, not about their quotas, their bonuses, or their bragging rights. I agree. I find the most successful sales people and consultants, for example, are concerned about improving the client’s condition, not about their quotas, their bonuses, or their bragging rights.

]]> By: Jim Bradford http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2611 Jim Bradford Fri, 03 Jul 2009 16:17:12 +0000 http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2611 I think it was Norman Vincent Peale who said, "You become what you think about most of the time." But based on my own life's experience I believe it is important not to think about oneself too much. For me, it was teaching that saved me from total self-absorption (I'm a university professor reaching the end of my career). In my first years as a teacher my thoughts were all about myself. "How am I doing?" "Do my students respect me?" Somewhere along the line my thoughts began to focus outside of myself. "How am I going to get Sally through this course?" "Why are Robert's grades falling?" If you ask me today if my self esteem is high or low, I don't know. I hardly ever think about it anymore. I believe that positive affirmations can be a great tool but like most tools they have to used the right way. Affirmations that tend to reinforce too much self focus probably won't do a lot of good in the long run. ...Jim B I think it was Norman Vincent Peale who said, “You become what you think about most of the time.” But based on my own life’s experience I believe it is important not to think about oneself too much.

For me, it was teaching that saved me from total self-absorption (I’m a university professor reaching the end of my career). In my first years as a teacher my thoughts were all about myself. “How am I doing?” “Do my students respect me?”

Somewhere along the line my thoughts began to focus outside of myself. “How am I going to get Sally through this course?” “Why are Robert’s grades falling?”

If you ask me today if my self esteem is high or low, I don’t know. I hardly ever think about it anymore. I believe that positive affirmations can be a great tool but like most tools they have to used the right way. Affirmations that tend to reinforce too much self focus probably won’t do a lot of good in the long run.

…Jim B

]]> By: Alan Weiss http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2610 Alan Weiss Fri, 03 Jul 2009 15:30:00 +0000 http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2610 1. There are published reports of increases in psychologists' bookings after these "hot coal" events after people find there is zero transfer and application to the real world. 2. Low self-esteem means that you do not feel worthy, and that you are subject to others' assessments of you, or your most recent victory or defeat. You have very little resilience and treat setbacks as personal commentaries on your poor abilities. Victory is seen as luck, not talent. 3. Cheryl Richardson, the empty-headed coaching guru who Oprah promoted, once told me that if I wanted to host a radio talk show I should repeat three times every morning, "I will host a radio talk show." This is the kind of arrant stupidity that's out there. (Ms. Richardson had no formal advanced education when I knew her, and had her own publication name her "coach of the year"!) 1. There are published reports of increases in psychologists’ bookings after these “hot coal” events after people find there is zero transfer and application to the real world.

2. Low self-esteem means that you do not feel worthy, and that you are subject to others’ assessments of you, or your most recent victory or defeat. You have very little resilience and treat setbacks as personal commentaries on your poor abilities. Victory is seen as luck, not talent.

3. Cheryl Richardson, the empty-headed coaching guru who Oprah promoted, once told me that if I wanted to host a radio talk show I should repeat three times every morning, “I will host a radio talk show.” This is the kind of arrant stupidity that’s out there. (Ms. Richardson had no formal advanced education when I knew her, and had her own publication name her “coach of the year”!)

]]> By: michael cardus http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2609 michael cardus Fri, 03 Jul 2009 14:13:22 +0000 http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2609 I never really understood how walking over hot coals and telling yourself that you deserve success worked? their is so much pseudo-science out there and people really convince themselves through "cited articles and peer reviewed journals" that these Human Created Constructs are true. The reality of perception is a powerful system. If one has low self esteem (what does that mean?) I am not sure how repeating statements that someone told you would work can improve self esteem. Couldn't that person again just be re-affirmed in their poor self-esteem and think "why did i not think of that, even these positive statement that I paid $1000's of dollars to listen to can not help me." I never really understood how walking over hot coals and telling yourself that you deserve success worked?
their is so much pseudo-science out there and people really convince themselves through “cited articles and peer reviewed journals” that these Human Created Constructs are true.
The reality of perception is a powerful system. If one has low self esteem (what does that mean?) I am not sure how repeating statements that someone told you would work can improve self esteem. Couldn’t that person again just be re-affirmed in their poor self-esteem and think “why did i not think of that, even these positive statement that I paid $1000′s of dollars to listen to can not help me.”

]]> By: Alan Weiss http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2608 Alan Weiss Fri, 03 Jul 2009 13:55:20 +0000 http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2608 The article comments that positiveself- talk has to be part of a larger therapeutic intervention. Moreover, Seligman (I'm not familiar with the other person) talks about how you refer to success and setbacks, e.g., not "I was lucky," but "I deserved that, I worked hard." That's different from the mindless pseudo-coaches who tell you to simply insipidly repeat stupid "affirmations" as the article discusses. The article comments that positiveself- talk has to be part of a larger therapeutic intervention.

Moreover, Seligman (I’m not familiar with the other person) talks about how you refer to success and setbacks, e.g., not “I was lucky,” but “I deserved that, I worked hard.” That’s different from the mindless pseudo-coaches who tell you to simply insipidly repeat stupid “affirmations” as the article discusses.

]]> By: Chad Barr - Alan's Blog Implementer & Moderator http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2607 Chad Barr - Alan's Blog Implementer & Moderator Fri, 03 Jul 2009 13:40:13 +0000 http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/why-you-dont-want-to-trod-them-hot-coals/#comment-2607 Alan, Do you think this contradicts the work of Dr. Martin Seligman http://tinyurl.com/6rtmk2 or that of Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar http://www.talbenshahar.com Alan,

Do you think this contradicts the work of Dr. Martin Seligman http://tinyurl.com/6rtmk2 or that of Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar http://www.talbenshahar.com

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