You Can’t Make This Stuff Up…

Recent email and phone messages:

• You haven’t sent me the download of the teleconference yet, and I paid yesterday. (The teleconference wasn’t for another month.)

• You need to call me. There’s a charge on my credit card statement from your company. I dimly remember registering for something, but I don’t know what it was, and I have to get it in my calendar.

• Please send me the free copy of your booklet mentioned in your book. (No address was provided.)

• There’s a typo on page 173 which you ought to be changed immediately.

• Your book (written four years ago) doesn’t contain this technology (introduced two months ago). I’m giving you a lousy review on Amazon.com.

• Send me the book for free, and if I like it, I’ll pay for it; if not, I’ll return it in good condition. (Me: Does Barnes & Noble let you do that?)

• I’d love to go to that seminar but my cousin is getting married. Can you possibly change the date. (Me: Tell your cousin to change the date.)

• I’ve called you six times about car insurance and you’ve never responded. (Me: Maybe because I’m not the car insurance agency.)

• I’ll sell your products in Brazil if you fund my 49,000-euro educational expenses in London. You’ll make twice your money back. Just teach me how to sell them. And translate them into Portuguese.

• Can I take my dog to your program? He doesn’t bark and only bites sometimes.

• How much different is this program going to be? (Me: Very.)

• What will it take to get you to come to North Dakota? (Me: Michelle Pfeiffer inviting me.)

© Alan Weiss 2011. All rights reserved.