I’m Almost Ashamed to Admit It, But…

  When I pet my dogs and they violently shake when I’m done, as though they have a haircut from Frédéric Fekkai that I’ve messed up, I take offense. The next time someone tells me a golfing story without inquiring as to whether I give a rap about the game, I’m going to yawn at the punch line. I would love to have a TSA job for one day to see what’s in a lot of that luggage. I have …


It’s Not Where You Start, It’s Where You Finish

My son often tries to remind me that, “You and mom don’t live in the real world” because of my success and our lifestyle. And I’m fond of reminding him that I lived in the “real world” for a very long time, and think about it every day, because it makes me appreciate what I’ve been able to accomplish every day. This ain’t my daddy’s money. It’s not surprising what discipline, hard work, and talent can accomplish. My high school sweetheart/wife …


In Case You Were Wondering What I Was Thinking…

  I used to think anyone with a baseball cap on backwards who was over 16 years of age looked idiotic. I was wrong, and I apologize. Anyone over 6 years of age looks idiotic. When I see someone covered in tattoos, piercings, and strangely colored hair, somehow I don’t associate them with a new hire for my company or as a choice for my financial analyst. If you want to see an extraordinarily aging demographic, take a look at …


While I Have the Microphone, Let Me Tell You What to Believe

I was at an awards ceremony last night that was very well done, four people honored for their contributions to the arts, one of whom is a well-known television actor. Her sister, who’s a local teacher, introduced her (which is how, I imagine, she was chosen for the honor—the local connection). In doing so, she took the liberty of a captive audience to broadcast her political opinions. It’s not a question of agreeing or disagreeing with her position, it’s a …


Enter Title Here

On the TV show Downton Abbey, one of the earl’s nephews wants to let his butler go because he feels the role is unnecessary and demeaning. The earl asks him, “Why would you want to deprive someone of a job they take pride in and are quite good at?” At my favorite restaurants, the managers call me “Dr. Weiss” or “Mr. Weiss,” and the bartenders call me “Alan.” I once thought that was odd, but now I get it, and …


The Bully

I received a book order for about $80 from New Zealand. The credit card was rejected. When I wrote to the purchaser about this he responded with invective, claiming my processing system was “from the 80s,” even though it was his bank denying the transaction. When I confronted him, and told him what he could do with his order which I’d now never fulfill, he told me he was a “man of God” and that I didn’t understand his sarcasm, …


In Case You Were Wondering What I Was Thinking

Kale is disgusting no matter how it’s cooked or prepared. It’s the new Brussels Sprouts but without the personality. “Curate” is now the most inappropriately, overused word in the lexicon. Linkedin editors “curate” the daily stories? You curate the paleontology department in a museum. Curate is the kale of language. People who damn with faint praise are too stupid to think we’re not smart enough to know what they’re doing. Typical: “Although most of your article I could agree with….” …


Security

Benjamin Netanyahu, the Israeli Prime Minister, is at the Lotte Palace Hotel in New York for two days during my own visit here this week. He’s two floors or so above me with his entourage. The security, in my rough estimation and merely within two blocks of the hotel on all sides (59th Street is closed to traffic, and so is that particular hotel entrance), comprises: 25 New York City police vehicles; 14 SUVs; about 10 unmarked cars in otherwise …


Not So Olympic

Here is the medal count as of this writing, with the nations’ populations included: Norway 26 (5 million) Germany 18 (83 million) Netherlands 13 (17 million) Canada 16 (36 million) US 10 (325 million) We have over twice as many people here as all of those leaders put together. I realize that the Norwegians are born on skis and, according to the intellectual Katie Couric, the Dutch skate to work and the movies. Yet we do have some decent mountains …


How Does This Work?

Someone in my community who’s a technical whiz just explained to me how to use the terrific magnifier on my iPhone X. There isn’t an instruction at all that comes with it. In fact, when I received my new iMac Pro, my son-in-law had a good time explaining to me how to turn it on (a small, recessed button, black-on-black, in the back). These days a new doorknob comes with an instructional video. My pool robot has NASA-like documentation, videos, …