Yes, But We Want More

I’m looking around my garage. Among the features on the various cars are: • Vibrating steering wheel when you cross a highway line without signaling first. • Self-correction and braking when you drive onto the shoulder without signaling. • Self-contained wifi. • Self-closing doors. • Remote opening trunks. • GPS. • Online contacts for navigation, emergencies, local dining suggestions, etc. • Alarm systems that disconnect the ignition. • Onboard diagnostics with monthly computer reports. • Indicators of service due. • …


The Personal Trainer University Course Curriculum

Course number and subject matter: 101: Counting to 15 by one. 103: Counting to 15 backwards by one. 201: Counting to 15 just using every third number. 205: Counting to 15 silently and just announcing the final three counts. 304: Behaving as if you’re spotting the exercise while actually wondering about the hottie you met at the bar last night. 308: Saying “Nice job” enthusiastically even though you don’t mean it. 406: Helping with the weights instead of saying, “Lose …


Overdone Smug Conceited Arrogant Revolting: OSCAR

I’ve been watching the Academy Awards since I was a kid on black and white television, with Bob Hope hosting. I was always in awe of the glamour and good humor. After we were married, my wife and I made it an annual ritual and I tried not to travel on that Sunday. Last night’s Oscar ceremony was a self-congratulatory excess of self-importance. It starts with the absurd Red Carpet and lasts for about seven hours. Women in loaned dresses …


Hello? Anyone Home? Sounds Like A Recording

Polarized thinking means that you can’t see both sides of an issue. (Don’t forget that F. Scott Fitzgerald observed that the mark of true intellect is holding two opposing ideas in your mind at the same time.) It means that the individual will not listen to or evaluate other positions. For example, a great many people who believe we’re contributing to climate change, when faced with legitimate opposition, will simply call the other people “deniers” and disregard them. There is …


Royalty and Ancient Ritual

Watching the marvelously-acted “The Crown” on TV, I’m stunned at the protocols of the British royals and I understand why Americans want to watch and savor royalty at a distance, but not at home. I think the same holds true for many organizations. They adhere to almost ancient protocols that have no place in modern times and are merely subsidized without return on investment. Most companies are too “top heavy” with senior management; they funnel customers into a maze of …


The Sky Is Falling. I Think. Maybe Tomorrow.

Look, I understand political outrage. I grok unhappiness when your candidate loses an election everyone merely assumed she’d win (which is exactly why she lost). I think Trump’s behavior, most of the time, is appalling. But I’d like to see people put as much time, energy, and investment into volunteerism, good deeds, business improvement, and family relationships as they do into their daily apoplexy over Trump. The election is over, there are no impeachable offenses (and petitions can’t impeach, only …


In Case You Were Wondering What I Was Thinking….

Barrington Middle School in Rhode Island has decided to cease publishing honor students’ names, another example of the great surrender to making everyone feel good instead of honoring excellence. Everyone is talking about the novel 1984 today, but it’s best exemplified by the politically correct language and actions of those who want to homogenize us. Did Hillary Clinton receive a “participation award”? I’m bored by every theater company proving its chops by doing Shakespeare—I know the ending. But Festival Ballet …


You Can’t Recork Champagne

Did you see the Atlanta Falcons owner and his wife come down to the sidelines extremely early to celebrate victory when they led the Patriots by 28-9 in the Super Bowl? Their smiles turned upside down and their very obvious presence turned into embarrassment as they grimaced through 31 unanswered points and most devastating comeback in championship history. Don’t celebrate your sale until the check is received. Don’t celebrate your speech until the buyer says it’s time to talk about …


Wait, Which One of You is Mary?

I’ve been in Florida for a week watching ABC, NBC, and CBS in the Miami area in the mornings. I’m sure this goes on elsewhere, but it’s especially obvious here: All the news show women look alike. There is are usually a female co-anchor, a weather reporter, and a traffic reporter, leaving one male co-anchor on many occasions. The women all have about the same length hair, the same type of makeup (heavy on the eyes, lipliner) all wear dresses …


What Next? No Checked Baggage

Someone is now going to suggest security measures and barred public entry to baggage claim areas, and try to create another billion dollar boondoggle because of this tragedy in  Ft. Lauderdale, or perhaps ban checked luggage, which only exacerbates the harm. This mentally disturbed shooter should have been stopped long ago when he had a criminal record and told the FBI that he heard voices urging him to do harm. The FBI merely suggested that he “get help.” The circus …